


What Am I Supposed To Do Now?

by noname



Series: Kids Grow On Trees [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Ben Braeden is Dean Winchester's Son, Episode: s06e21 Let It Bleed, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5240588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noname/pseuds/noname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending to s06e21.</p><p>Possessed by a demon, Lisa stabbed herself. Since he was working with Crowley, Cas wasn't there to save her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Am I Supposed To Do Now?

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Winchester. We did everything we could, but her injuries were too severe", the nurse said, sympathetic look on her face, her sad eyes steadily meeting his gaze.

Dean tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but failed miserably. "Have you told her son?" he mumbled around it.

She nodded slowly. "My colleague is talking to him right now. Is there anyone we can call? Someone he can stay with?"

Shaking his head, Dean cleared his throat. "No, Lisa's, uhm, she... was an only child, and her parents past away a few years ago."

"Sorry to hear about that. Will you be able to take care of him?" she asked.

Shrugging, Dean answered: "I don't know. I mean, I love the kid, but I don't have any legal rights."

She squinted a little at him. "If you don't mind, we can do a DNA test."

"What?"

"The child shares some of your features. It's very possible you are, in fact, his biological father", she stated. When she saw the suspicious and slightly shocked look on Dean's face, she hurried to add: "Ben told me you and Lisa first met before he was born."

"She said he's not mine", Dean grumbled, irritated by the fact that a complete stranger was trying to tell him the woman he loved had been lying to him.

Detecting the angry note to his voice, she nodded again. "I understand. It's not always easy to know, and I'm not by any means suggesting she was dishonest with you. However, there is a possibility she didn't actually know. By comparing some of your facial features, I'd say you and Ben are likely related. A DNA test would help settle that, and could give you the legal rights you now lack. I realise this is a lot to handle right now, and I apologize for that, but I can assure you I'm only trying to help you both." She still looked sympathetic, but also quite determined.

"Do we really have to do this tonight? I think Ben's been through enough for today."

"When we were checking him for possible injuries, we took a blood sample, for safety's sake. I would just need your blood, too. We could have the answers ready by tomorrow", she said hurriedly, but still with conviction.

Sighing, Dean crossed his arms across his chest. "Let me talk to him first, and we can do it after that."

If Ben was his son, then... Then Dean just killed the mother of his child.

The thought brought tears to his eyes, and he quickly turned away from the nurse. "I'll find you later", he mumbled, and started walking in the direction of the waiting room.

Ben was curled up in the corner of the room, sitting on the floor. When Dean entered, he glared at him.

"This is your fault", he murmured.

Dean stopped dead in his tracks. A bullet through the heart couldn't have hurt him more. Not that he didn't agree with Ben.

"I know. Of course it's my fault. Don't you think I know that?" Dean grumbled.

Seeing Ben's face start to crumble at his words, Dean took a few quick steps over, and sank to his knees in front of him.

"I am so fucking sorry, kiddo. If there was anything I could do to change things, or give my life for hers, I wouldn't hesitate for a second, okay?" he said, gently reaching out to touch Ben's shoulder.

Tears started rolling down Ben's cheeks, and he looked up at Dean with heartbreaking sadness on his face.

"She's really gone, isn't she? We can't bring her back?" he whispered.

Shaking his head, Dean clenched his jaw. At any other time, he could've counted on Cas to heal Lisa before it was too late. But Cas wasn't on their side anymore, and Ben had to suffer for that. Lisa had to die because of that.

Ben sniffled and covered his face with his hands.

At a complete loss for words and actions, Dean shuffled a little, sitting back against the wall next to Ben. He watched him in silence for a moment, before tentatively sliding his arm around Ben's shoulder, tugging him closer.

He expected Ben to pull back or tense up, not wanting to be close to the person responsible for the death of his mom. It was a little comforting when he didn't, but it was also devastating. Ben didn't have anyone else to comfort him, no one else to rely on.

"What happens now?" he sobbed after a while.

"I don't know, Ben", Dean answered. "Would you want to stay with me?"

"Where else would I go?"

Dean shrugged."If you want nothing to do with me, we'll find another option."

Ben snapped his head up. "You don't want me?" he asked incredulously.

"No, that's not what I meant", Dean murmured, pulling Ben even closer.

They sat in silence for a long while, Ben crying and Dean almost crying. It was as if their world had somehow stopped, and they were waiting for it to keep turning like usual.

Dean had lost track of time, when the nurse he'd been talking to earlier showed up. She knocked twice on the doorframe, signaling her presence.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked gingerly.

Looking up at her for a moment, Ben turned to Dean with a concerned frown. "What's going on?"

He'd obviously noticed the equipment the nurse was carrying.

"She's going to do a DNA test", Dean answered, carefully planning his next words. "Apparently, you look a little like me. There's a chance you're my son, and if you are, it'll be easier for me to get custody of you."

"That's why you asked if I want to stay with you", Ben stated simply.

Dean nodded.

"But Dean", Ben said flatly, "you're already my dad. I mean, I'm still pissed at you, and all, but... You've been my dad for a year, now."

"Damn, kid. I've been holding my tears in, trying to be strong for your sake, and you say shit like that?" Dean huffed, smiling a little.

Ben nudged him in the stomach, before looking back up at the nurse.

"Do you want us to come with you to an examination room?" he asked politely through his tears.

She smiled kindly at him, but shook her head, crouching down next to Dean. Working quickly, she drew some blood from Dean's right arm, allowing him to keep his left one around Ben's shoulders.

"Is there anything I can do for you boys?" she asked softly. "Are you hungry?"

Dean looked down at Ben, allowing him to answer.

"Technically, yes. But if it's any bother, then no", he answered smoothly.

The nurse let out a surprised little laugh. "I'll see what I can do." Her face grew serious, and she glanced between them. "If there's anything else I can do..."

"Thank you", Dean said, sincerely appreciative.

When she continued to work in silence, Dean turned back to Ben.

"It's been a long day, and I think you need some sleep soon. How do you feel about saying goodbye to your mom?" he asked, very carefully.

Ben stared straight ahead of himself, looking completely blank.

"I don't want to leave her", he said, voice shaking. "But I do want to see her." He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, chewing on it.

Dean touched his chin with his thumb. "Hey", he said gently. "Just because I'm trying to keep myself together, doesn't mean you should."

Shrugging, Ben mumbled: "I'm not. I can't cry right now."

Lisa looked like she was just asleep, when they entered her room. They'd cleaned her up, and she looked peaceful. Dean was thankful for that. Ben didn't need to see her all bloody and full of dust and grime.

Quietly sitting down on the chair next to the bed, Ben slowly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"She's already cold", he whispered.

How could Dean possibly answer that?

When Ben didn't say anything else, didn't make another sound, Dean frowned deeply. A child shouldn't feel like he had to hide his feelings, especially not his sorrow.

"Ben?" Dean said. "You don't have to be brave. It's more than okay to cry. I did, when my mom died. I still do, sometimes. And Lisa shouldn't have..." he trailed off, voice breaking as a tear escaped the corner of his eye. "It's okay to cry."

"I've never seen you cry", Ben said grimly.

"My dad was an ex marine. He was trained to keep his emotions at bay, and not let them interfere. He didn't know how to handle me crying, so I stopped doing it in front of him, 'cause I didn't want to burden him", Dean answered, his own honesty surprising him.

Ben turned his head a bit, but kept his eyes trained on Lisa's face.

"So, why should I burden you?"

Once again, Dean put his hand on Ben's shoulder. "It's not a burden to me. I kind of need you to know that."

At first, Ben didn't even show Dean he'd heard him. But then he turned around as if to check that he was telling the truth. When he saw the tears on Dean's face, his mask broke.

Tugging another chair up next to the bed, Dean sat down beside Ben.

They cried together.

* * *

It was bright outside, when Dean woke up from a soft knock on the door.

He sat up straight, and glanced at Ben, who was slumped over the bed, still clutching Lisa's hand.

The door opened and the nurse from earlier walked in.

"Mr. Winchester, my shift is over, but I thought I'd check on you two. You were asleep earlier, so..." She placed a tray carrying a couple of sandwiches and a cup of coffee on a side-table and pulled it up next to Dean.

Straightening back up, she shoved her hands in her pockets and looked directly at him.

"I'm sorry to say this, but I'm afraid you'll have to leave the room soon. There are a few more preparations to be done", she said, eyes conveying how truly sorry she was. "I don't know if it helps, but the test results came back. It was a positive match, 98% certain. You're his father. I realize it doesn't make this situation any less tragic or horrible, but at least you can work your way through it together."

Dean worked up a smile, and gave her a short nod.

"Thank you so much for everything you've done for us", he said.

She shook her head, but answered his smile with a genuinely kind one. "There's nothing to thank me for."

Moving back toward the door, she hesitated and turned back to him."Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. But it was peaceful for her, in the end. Take some comfort in knowing that."

And then she was gone.


End file.
